when they met on the first day of the fifth grade, their connection was almost automatic. it was lunch time, and all the other kids had gone outside to play their usual games; you know: jump rope, hide and seek, tag, the usual.
but not these two.
rowan, a red-haired boy with sharp features and mind, always thought that if he was to come back to the place he is already in, there was no reason to leave at all. this was something that his mother fought against his whole life. it would be, indeed, a lie to say that it was an easy task to send him to school.
while noticing the set up of the room, rowan decided to approach the only other boy who stayed behind during lunch time, seemingly enjoying the word puzzles the teacher had previously assigned him a great deal more than hopscotch.
standing behind him, rowan was amazed to see that, although only a few minutes had passed, ro [he had heard the other kids call him that] had already deciphered three pages worth of puzzles.
ro seemed troubled. on the forth page of the assignment there was a word he simply could not put together.
"it's a jumble." said ro, suddenly taking a pause from his trance and frustration, "but i can't seem to figure this one out! what word could the letters c, s, a, and c possibly form?"
"i have no idea," responded rowan, "not at all."
"I am the best at puzzles and out of all that the teacher has given me, this word-- this one word has brought me to complete frustration."
"it seems to me that the machine with which this page was printed was faulty."
"hm?"
"there are smudges everywhere... specially on that one c, it also seems distorted somehow."
"why you are absolutely correct! I would have never noticed that myself! what an eye you have...ummm...?"
"oh, of course--rowan, rowan cace"
"precisely!"
"what?"
"once you pointed out that there was something peculiar about the afore mentioned c, it became increasingly obvious that it's shape more closely resembled that of an e, thus changing the pieces of this puzzle. having the correct pieces: c, s, a and e the solution seems too simple: the word 'case'"
"wow, you're quick, antaro..."
"star. antaro star, but how did you know my real name? everyone calls me ro"
"It's written in all your puzzles."
after which, rowan and ro shared a hearty laugh that inevitably rendered them inseparable.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
I once said something about love that read a lot like this:
"today, i decided that love is supposed to be crazy, fun, childish and slightly retarded."
actually it read exactly like that.
it is so strange when people try to rationalize love. try to make sense of it.
why try to rationalize something that gives you feelings and emotions and makes you experience things like you never experienced them before.
don't think "oh i shouldn't do this for love because it doesn't make sense in the long run, who knows what might happen. i can't risk my life on love and then end up with nothing"
don't.
just do it.
loves not a poker game. it's not chance. it's fate.
if you don't completely give yourself to the person you love, how can you expect them to?
if you don't sacrifice EVERYTHING, why would they?
and this is where fear plays its devilish part. being ready for things to go wrong makes you give less of yourself, practically ensuring that things will go wrong. so what if they do? at least you experienced the most important thing in our lives.
love.
unconditional, crazy, fun, childish, irrational, nonsensical love. the kind that captures your very soul and stops its heartbeat. making you feel like you used to be whole, but were torn apart by the world and are now complete again.
complete enough to do anything you have to, to stay that way.
don't close your eyes.
don't pray.
it won't work itself out.
you have to work it out.
you have to make the effort.
go all in, because if you lose, you get many a chance, but if you win, oh if you win.
"today, i decided that love is supposed to be crazy, fun, childish and slightly retarded."
actually it read exactly like that.
it is so strange when people try to rationalize love. try to make sense of it.
why try to rationalize something that gives you feelings and emotions and makes you experience things like you never experienced them before.
don't think "oh i shouldn't do this for love because it doesn't make sense in the long run, who knows what might happen. i can't risk my life on love and then end up with nothing"
don't.
just do it.
loves not a poker game. it's not chance. it's fate.
if you don't completely give yourself to the person you love, how can you expect them to?
if you don't sacrifice EVERYTHING, why would they?
and this is where fear plays its devilish part. being ready for things to go wrong makes you give less of yourself, practically ensuring that things will go wrong. so what if they do? at least you experienced the most important thing in our lives.
love.
unconditional, crazy, fun, childish, irrational, nonsensical love. the kind that captures your very soul and stops its heartbeat. making you feel like you used to be whole, but were torn apart by the world and are now complete again.
complete enough to do anything you have to, to stay that way.
don't close your eyes.
don't pray.
it won't work itself out.
you have to work it out.
you have to make the effort.
go all in, because if you lose, you get many a chance, but if you win, oh if you win.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
categories
i think a big reason why i want to become a psychologist is the fact that everyone is different. today, on my way home, i was listening to late night radio. after going past a few stations, i realized that they were all the same: people calling with their financial, family, relationship problems and expecting this radio personality to give them the answers they want/need. the answers were usually very broad, general and said the exact same thing to each one of the callers: you fall into x category or n category. can situations and people really fall into categories that will describe them successfully? can a person's problem really be ameliorated by reading a four part series blog on subject y written by some radio show host? i don't think so. people need a personal touch. we need someone to recognize that our situation/problem is as unique as we are and should, therefore, be handled in a specific, personal manner. who wants to be reduced to predetermined chemical reaction to situation?
it's thursday
yesterday i woke up feeling very shitty, and i didn't know what to do. biz sang me a song and made me cry. turns out that's all i needed.
Friday, August 8, 2008
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
i just thought of something that i found pretty interesting.
i thought of all the times that i have gotten close to a girl, whom i liked, only to find out later that our relationship has evolved in to what they call a "like brother and sister" relationship.
apparently meaning, that the relationship is too important to them to risk its atrophy by means of intimate involvement.
correct me if i am wrong, but last time i checked, a love relationship was a step above friendship.
don't get me wrong, i don't mean love relationships are more important than friend relationships.
i simply mean that the people involved in a love relationship [namely dating, going out, etc.] are supposed to know each other better than just friends. they should trust each other more than they would a friend.
are we not, thus, planning for failure by only taking into intimate levels those relationships that are expendable?
and who says brothers get along so well anyway?
"our relationship is so great, that i don't want to take it any further."
yeah, that makes sense.
i thought of all the times that i have gotten close to a girl, whom i liked, only to find out later that our relationship has evolved in to what they call a "like brother and sister" relationship.
apparently meaning, that the relationship is too important to them to risk its atrophy by means of intimate involvement.
correct me if i am wrong, but last time i checked, a love relationship was a step above friendship.
don't get me wrong, i don't mean love relationships are more important than friend relationships.
i simply mean that the people involved in a love relationship [namely dating, going out, etc.] are supposed to know each other better than just friends. they should trust each other more than they would a friend.
are we not, thus, planning for failure by only taking into intimate levels those relationships that are expendable?
and who says brothers get along so well anyway?
"our relationship is so great, that i don't want to take it any further."
yeah, that makes sense.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Thursday, February 21, 2008
but let's love
i suppose the best way to start a blog which you don't know how to start is by stating that you don't know how to start it.
i don't really know how to start this.
whenever i am asked about my religious beliefs, i don't know what to say. usually i answer with "i don't have any" and then people assume i am an atheist.
that doesn't quite describe it. Atheism is a negation of the existence of god.
i do not negate it. i do not confirm it.
some may say that i'm staying in this horrible, cowardly middle point but that's not the truth.
i don't care whether god exists or not.
knowing whether a singularity decided to infinitely expand, or a being said "let there be light;" that never helped me get any friends.
knowing whether i was created on monday or developed from a single cell organism in the span of millions of years; that never helped me love anyone unconditionally.
knowing whether it was jesus, ala, buddha, or amaterasu, that never gave me or the people around me a hug or company.
i could spend my time loving a god and praying, but i'd rather open my eyes to reality and see that no matter how we got here and how this world was made, we are all here. and all we have is each other. your neighbor, that girl that's a fool at school, that guy who pisses us off at work; they're all we have. and we have to love them and understand them. so that they can love and understand us.
i often hear god is love.
i disagree.
love is god.
love is the only thing that matters and the only thing that can save us from misery.
god works in mysterious ways?
love has reasons of which reason knows nothing [blaise pascal]
"god gave us free will"
love took it away. we so often do things for love that we would never choose logically.
they talk of god as a creator.
we were all created from love.
the scientist loved his experiment in a test tube. the rapist loved the moment of power he received, the drunken couple loved each other like they never thought possible, and the loving couple became one.
in that moment.
and if love is god, fear is satan.
not hate.
fear is what keeps us from getting close to and seeing each other how we really are deep inside and loving each other never the less.
fear.
of rejection.
of pain.
of the future.
of god.
of hell.
keeping us from loving one another.
from getting close.
from holding hands.
from sharing our feelings.
fear.
Love cures people-- both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it.
~Dr. Karl Menninger
Forgive yourself. Forgive others. Don't wait.
Love is how you stay alive, even after you are gone.
Love always wins.
Death may end a life, but not a relationship.
~ Morrie Schwartz
love eachother or perish
~tuesdays with morrie
i don't really know how to start this.
whenever i am asked about my religious beliefs, i don't know what to say. usually i answer with "i don't have any" and then people assume i am an atheist.
that doesn't quite describe it. Atheism is a negation of the existence of god.
i do not negate it. i do not confirm it.
some may say that i'm staying in this horrible, cowardly middle point but that's not the truth.
i don't care whether god exists or not.
knowing whether a singularity decided to infinitely expand, or a being said "let there be light;" that never helped me get any friends.
knowing whether i was created on monday or developed from a single cell organism in the span of millions of years; that never helped me love anyone unconditionally.
knowing whether it was jesus, ala, buddha, or amaterasu, that never gave me or the people around me a hug or company.
i could spend my time loving a god and praying, but i'd rather open my eyes to reality and see that no matter how we got here and how this world was made, we are all here. and all we have is each other. your neighbor, that girl that's a fool at school, that guy who pisses us off at work; they're all we have. and we have to love them and understand them. so that they can love and understand us.
i often hear god is love.
i disagree.
love is god.
love is the only thing that matters and the only thing that can save us from misery.
god works in mysterious ways?
love has reasons of which reason knows nothing [blaise pascal]
"god gave us free will"
love took it away. we so often do things for love that we would never choose logically.
they talk of god as a creator.
we were all created from love.
the scientist loved his experiment in a test tube. the rapist loved the moment of power he received, the drunken couple loved each other like they never thought possible, and the loving couple became one.
in that moment.
and if love is god, fear is satan.
not hate.
fear is what keeps us from getting close to and seeing each other how we really are deep inside and loving each other never the less.
fear.
of rejection.
of pain.
of the future.
of god.
of hell.
keeping us from loving one another.
from getting close.
from holding hands.
from sharing our feelings.
fear.
Love cures people-- both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it.
~Dr. Karl Menninger
Forgive yourself. Forgive others. Don't wait.
Love is how you stay alive, even after you are gone.
Love always wins.
Death may end a life, but not a relationship.
~ Morrie Schwartz
love eachother or perish
~tuesdays with morrie
Monday, February 11, 2008
but let's dream
as far as i can remember i know that my objective is to rescue this girl.
whose face i don't remember.
or any of her features.
pretty sure she was wearing white.
it starts out with me [batman] hanging upside down, like in the new movie.
and the bad guy with the gun says "what kind of freak are you? get the fuck out of here before i put a bullet in your face" and puts the gun on my forehead.
and i'm all bad ass and don't move or anything and i say in the batman begins voice [you know, the raspiness]: "I don't think you're aware of the gravity of the situation you are in right now."
and the guy gets a dumb look in his face and i move really quick and the cape goes everywhere and he starts shooting but i'm grabbing the gun and pushing it away.
then i come down from [the ceiling i guess] and punch him in the face and then i
see his face literally punched in with blood everywhere.
and then i look down a hallway and i see i really big guy pulling the girl who i'm supposed to rescue out of the building and then i look back and there are like 50 guys coming at me with all kinds of guns.
so i start running, jump out a window and use a cable to land safely.
a bunch more start coming out and so i steal a bike and they chase me on bikes.
there's like this really crazy chase scene in which i'm taking all kinds of curves and jumping and stuff like that while taking out some of the bikers behind me.
finally i get away into a parking lot and there's a bunch of cars parked and i go to the empty end and i press a button on my arm and the batmobile appears
and it's huge and awesome
and then, while kind of running i just punch the side of the door and it opens [for some reason in my dream i thought that was cool] and i jump in and when i turn the lights on i see the big guy pulling the girl behind him and i think "i gotta move fast" and i step on the gas and just slam the bat mobile into a wall with the big guy in between the two.
from the outside you see a batman arm pulling the girl into the car
and then i woke up
mission accomplished i guess
[about time]
whose face i don't remember.
or any of her features.
pretty sure she was wearing white.
it starts out with me [batman] hanging upside down, like in the new movie.
and the bad guy with the gun says "what kind of freak are you? get the fuck out of here before i put a bullet in your face" and puts the gun on my forehead.
and i'm all bad ass and don't move or anything and i say in the batman begins voice [you know, the raspiness]: "I don't think you're aware of the gravity of the situation you are in right now."
and the guy gets a dumb look in his face and i move really quick and the cape goes everywhere and he starts shooting but i'm grabbing the gun and pushing it away.
then i come down from [the ceiling i guess] and punch him in the face and then i
see his face literally punched in with blood everywhere.
and then i look down a hallway and i see i really big guy pulling the girl who i'm supposed to rescue out of the building and then i look back and there are like 50 guys coming at me with all kinds of guns.
so i start running, jump out a window and use a cable to land safely.
a bunch more start coming out and so i steal a bike and they chase me on bikes.
there's like this really crazy chase scene in which i'm taking all kinds of curves and jumping and stuff like that while taking out some of the bikers behind me.
finally i get away into a parking lot and there's a bunch of cars parked and i go to the empty end and i press a button on my arm and the batmobile appears
and it's huge and awesome
and then, while kind of running i just punch the side of the door and it opens [for some reason in my dream i thought that was cool] and i jump in and when i turn the lights on i see the big guy pulling the girl behind him and i think "i gotta move fast" and i step on the gas and just slam the bat mobile into a wall with the big guy in between the two.
from the outside you see a batman arm pulling the girl into the car
and then i woke up
mission accomplished i guess
[about time]
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