sometimes it feels like we are not going anywhere.

last night, i thought of patheity, and what exactly makes something pathetic.
i thought about how having the thought itself does not make something pathetic, but whether or not the thought is executed.
then, the deciding factor in what makes a person pathetic or not is whether or not he/she can recognize the patheity of the thought before its execution.
it's not abnormal to think about wanting to talk to someone who has ignored you for 4 months; it is pathetic, though, when you send her multiple messages hoping that she answers.
this thought recognized as pathetic and dismissed, would be within normalcy.
apart from the fact that patheity is a non-issue amongst animals, the ability to recognize something as pathetic is one of the things that separate us from animals.
being a human being, then, why is it so easy to completely repudiate my ability to recognize patheity and allow it?

today, i discovered that i am a fan of diving.
diving into the circle of staring someone in her beautiful eyes, while she smiles back at you leaning her head on her knee, which she has brought close to her body to keep warm, and loving it so much that you smile back, making her smile, which makes you smile...
and so on.
these are the moments* that they present in slow motion, or with a slight haze--maybe both, in movies. very apropos when you're a guy that wants to find a love that looks and sounds like a movie.**
it's all been said before.
diving.

*edwin mccain
**the postal service

today, i decided that love is supposed to be crazy, fun, childish and slightly retarded.
sounds great.

i am sick.
my olfactories are shot, thus most of my taste-- say, around 75%?-- is gone.
the remaining 25% is reserved for the faint, sour and salty taste of the phlegm that infests and hinders my every breath.
my body aches and, like my nasal passages, my mind and thoughts are clouded.
saturday, i went to six flags. i didn't do any of the rides because i felt that if i did not only would i regurgitate, i would also probably black out.
i did go through, though, with my regular day: work, ...that's it.
the fun part is that, when you go through a normal day, when your body has all it's energy concentrated on expelling whatever malicious germs you have in you, you see things with different eyes.
yes, i actually found a way to enjoy sick time.
look at it this way, this is your time to be in a different reality.
- you can feel sounds [it pounds into your head]
- temperatures are felt in a completely different way [heat is ecstatic and the minimum cold travels beyond your skin, through your bones, into your chest]
- while all these things are happening, you can't help but-- well, feel them, and so your mind is nowhere; and you get lost in yourself. all of a sudden, nothing is as comfortable and relaxing as standing, anywhere, staring into who-knows-where with a blank piece of paper as your mind.
- naps are trance like and easy.

so, next time you're sick, take a minute, and appreciate your view into a distorted reality.
it makes it go by a little faster.
and so on...

last night, i saw a shooting star.
and i loved it, and i cherished the time i was given to behold it.
too much to try to make a wish.